“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”
I’m reaching that stage in life when the frequent topic of conversation is about baby names. Particularly around my sister and her husband. It’s quite entertaining to hear the back and forth, debating the pitfalls of a name due to the possibility of an unfortunate nickname, and listing the merits of family history (the name “Oscar” has been at the center of both camps). It’s an important discussion to have for young married couples on the verge of starting a family. Your name defines so much of who you are. It’s the beginning of your life..and you don’t even get a say in it.
As you get older, more names are put on you and each shape your identity in a different way. We resist being labeled as much as possible. We are taught the warnings of name calling and stereotyping others but it happens all the same. If you’re the oldest child then you’re a leader. If you’re the youngest then you’re the baby. If you’re the middle then you’re self-sufficient. At school, you’re tracked into groups based on your ability. Scholarship, remedial, advanced placement, resource. You’re athletic, dramatic, geeky, popular, promiscuous, or alone. With each label we accept, we change.
Unfortunately, we start to believe these labels that are put on us. We change our behavior to fit whatever mold is being placed around us.
While at Miami, my cohort called me Hermione. This was based off my tendency to raise my hand to answer every question and generally be a book worm. However, my love of Harry Potter spurred the behavior. I felt it was expected that I start a class discussion. I had to have something to say in order to uphold my title of Hermione. I couldn’t let her down.
My family often reminds me that I can be sensitive when it comes to arguments or confrontation. It has been said so frequently that when I’m in arguments, I talk myself out of my feelings. I convince myself that I’m being overly sensitive and I don’t hold the other party accountable for their actions. Now, sometimes, I really am being overly sensitive and I need to be aware of this. However, other times my feelings are rightly hurt and I should be allowed to express that. But I don’t.
At my job, I’m the quirky new English teacher that sort of looks like a student. When students get their papers back, I’m the impossible to please college professor. When they need someone to talk to, I’m a counselor. When they need homework help, I’m an editor. On top of that, after school demands even more of me as I’m also a coach and a director. My work day requires me to be a chameleon withstanding the ebb and flow of the dynamic classroom.
When I’m feeling insecure, I believe the label, put on me by several destructive relationships, that says I’m not enough just the way I am. This sense of inadequacy can be overwhelming when I’m around someone I like and I begin to overcompensate. I laugh too hard, make inappropriate jokes, and try to present myself to be exactly what this other person might want. I act out in desperation and it’s ugly.
I add my own weight of labels with my desires and aspirations, including but not limited to: writer, professor, adventurer, and traveler. Anyone else starting to feel overwhelmed? Besides these labels created by myself and those I interact with, my surrounding culture adds a hefty list of names as well. As a young woman I should be: sexy, smart, independent, in need of a relationship, financially successful, athletic, fashionable, easy to approach, fun, and an excellent future wife and mother. Now lets take into consideration that I’m a Christian. Those labels include: chaste, pure, faithful, respectful, quiet, kind, courteous, submissive, graceful, helpful.
It’s a lot just for one girl to juggle.
It’s so much that sometimes I forget the only name that matters.
Child of God. Beloved. Cherished by He who created the universe.
The world will call you a lot of things. It will try to change who you are to fit its own needs and expectations. But remember your true name and let that shape your actions. Believe you are carefully looked after and loved by the God who sacrificed His son so that you could be with Him. You might walk just a little taller.
*Previously posted on Debunking Debacles on 4/10/2014